Introduce yourself.
CW: suicide attempt
My name is Kitty Grey and my pronouns are she/her. I am a member of the LGBTQ community, and so is my fiancé! I was a burlesque student at Sky Sirens before COVID. But now, I have to travel too far to come to the studio, so I wasn’t able to come back after the pandemic restrictions eased. I am also a high school teacher, and studying a second degree in animal science.
I am an aerialist in lyra, silks and sling. I am also working on trapeze! My goals are to perform on stage. I want to perform whenever I can! I’d also love to combine my knowledge of teaching and aerials to one day to become an instructor.
Tell us about your condition.
I have borderline personality disorder (BPD) and Endometriosis. It took a while to be diagnosed with BPD as my doctors focussed more on depression and anxiety. It wasn’t until I was hospitalised for a suicide attempt that I gained a BPD diagnosis. I underwent 1 and a half years of group Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) to help manage the condition. It severely impacts relationships and my mental ability to handle many situations.
Endometriosis diagnosis is always ongoing as some medical professionals flip flops its not well researched, and the confirmation criteria is limited. I have a really good GP to support me though.
How does it impact your classes?
Endometriosis can make it difficult to attend and participate in aerials classes. Sometimes, I get down on myself, feel weak like I am not good enough and not as good as everyone else. Maybe I’m not progressing as well as others and I will never achieve my goals. Endometriosis can sometimes create a BPD spiral.
What do you wish people knew about these conditions?
I wish people knew that BPD is something that is actually developed, not born with. And so it can make you a bit jaded, because you know that if some things had turned out differently, you might not have ended up with a personality disorder. I also wish people understood how debilitating it can be when someone is so invalidating, how it can affect someone.
I wish people knew endometriosis was more common and that period pain should not be so agonising. I wish it was better researched and understood so that it didn’t take so long to get a diagnosis.
Is there anything else you would like to share?
It feels shitty having an invisible chronic illness. Little things like taking a seat on the bus or train. It feels like very few people understand what you’re going through. You worry that it’s all in your head whenever things start doing ok and so you feel like a fraud. I’m afraid of my mental diagnosis coming out at my job because even though the department is aware of my condition and has been since the start, people hear personality disorder and think “crazy”. I don’t want people calling for me to lose my job when I didn’t choose this life.
I worry about people thinking I’m lazy when I have to take sick days because I’m either in too much pain/too sick to leave my bed, or so mentally drained that going to school would be harmful to my mental well-being, which is why I’ve had to go part time.
